After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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