Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
A+ Viking dick
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
