I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
