I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
