I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
