Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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