well most of my day revolves around power hour
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
