I got chris browned last night
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
