I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
