piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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