areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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