Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
