Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
