well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
