just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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