she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You pole danced in your parka.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I love you. Go after that dick
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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