Just fell off a train. Bad.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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