i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
