So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
