My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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