I wannas sexs uuuuu
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm too high and old for this...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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