i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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