jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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