Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
