he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
