I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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