i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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