And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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