I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
