Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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