I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
