He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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