Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
