Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
