eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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