I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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