Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
not ubering you a puppy
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
