So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm really busy with my period
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