He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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