Can i not drive my cunt home
what day is it and did you see me today?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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