id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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