I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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