I want to make a zoo with you.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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