Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
