i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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