If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
