apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
