Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize