is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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