I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
