Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
