Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
