You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
