Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
