You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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