I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Every concussion has its silver lining
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
