Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
