when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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