The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize