The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
