Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
