I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize