i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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