Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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