my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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