At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
