guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
