Do vagina's smell?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
