As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
