would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
