im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize