Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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