I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
