jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We had to coat check the pizza.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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