Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
