All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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