Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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