She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
