oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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