So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
