i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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