The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize