the condom got lost in my hair
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
