currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
