even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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