talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
