i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize