ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
