things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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