I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
