it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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