I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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