Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
