Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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