it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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