Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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