A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
