Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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