cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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