there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
