update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize