you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
