I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
